aurialle: (leia luka)
[personal profile] aurialle
I'll probably post a more formal introduction post later, I just really need to actually write this out somewhere...

As anyone who read my last OOC post on Hio's blog knows, I was in Philadelphia this weekend for a party I really didn't want to be at (and I actually thought I would be getting home a day later than I did; I've been home for a few hours now). And when I get bored, I tend to think about things that usually have nothing to do with the situation at hand. I think it might be part of the reason I'm half-way decent at writing, between math class and church, but that doesn't have much to do with the actual topic. Anyway, the topic I wound up on was the thing that's been nagging me in the back of my head for quite a while- what the hell my sexual/romantic orientation is.

Basically, the story of that goes like this- as a kid, I just kind of always assumed I was straight because... well I can't remember why OTL Then, when I was... about 14 I think, I found out what 'asexual' and 'aromantic' meant, and those fit, so that's what I started thinking of myself as. Then, also at age 14, I got a major crush on a girl (which didn't end up working out; we didn't even have enough in common to stay friends for very long), which I figured might have just been a fluke... until I got a much bigger crush on a guy when I was 15. Long story short, we never dated for several reasons (one of the biggest ones being that I had the terrible luck to be madly in love with a gay boy for almost a year OTL), he wound up hating me because I got too clingy, and I'm not allowed to have a tumblr anymore. And while that was going on, cue the entrance of the one and only LuYurippe into my life. I had a crush on her twice, and somehow am still close friends with her. Honestly the main reason I'm posting this here is because I don't want to tell her that I don't have a crush on her anymore because that was what finally made the boy tell me how much he hated me.

So, given that wall of text, one would normally assume 'bi'. Which is what I've usually told people who asked since it takes a while to explain all that. But... I honestly can't see myself actually being in a relationship with a guy. Even with the one boy I'm entirely sure I had a crush on, it seemed like some really generic perfect fairytale romance. And I really don't know why I'd ever wanted that in the first place...
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aurialle

July 2013

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